333 Burnley St Richmond
11 Chefs Hats in 11 years. 11. Fucking. Hats. Just drink that in for a second.
Hats ain’t easy. They’ve turned borderline arsehole head chefs into full blown ones in the pursuit of that single fucking hat. But the Grand Dining Room has scored 11 consecutive ones. It’s simply one of the most legendary Italian restaurants in Australia.
But today we don’t give 11 shits about the 11 hats.
We’re not reviewing The Grand Dining Room. We’re reviewing The Grand Hotel. The pub.
FIRST IMPRESSION
You’ve got to love the street presence of this place. A demure old dame with a touch of Roman orgy downstairs. The ground floor corner walls, with its marblesque pillars and window arches that hug the Italian dining room like a Nonna at the arrivals gate, are a stark contrast to the rest of the building.
It’s part of the classic sense of humour that we’ve come to love about our Melbourne pubs.
Inside the layout is again a tale of two sections. The Grand Dining Room, fully concealed on the right. The left, extending all the way out the back, the front bar, dining area and beer garden.
Most notable about the first impression is how darn friendly the staff are. A warm welcome from at least three of them as we moved from front to back. Then plenty of friendly chat at the bar. Gorgeous.
10 POTS
GENERAL PUBBERY
You really can’t fault a pub with history. You can see it on the walls, at the bar, in the menu and the staff. It creates a culture all its own. The bar here is full of character. A slightly ramshackle event with a wood duck and some old Funk and Wagnalls up the top. Spirit bottles strewn about. Quite a small bar and all very busy.
In fact, the pub itself isn’t huge at all. Surprising given the size of the building but there are 3 very lavish private dining rooms upstairs. There’s some random pieces of art and stuff on the walls.
We make it all sound like a bit of a shambles. It’s not. It’s really nice and properly done.
8 POTS
THE FOOD
So, we’ve already mentioned the Grand Dining Room. We’re assuming the Don of these Italian masterpieces, Head Chef Andrew Beddoes (who sounds as Italian as a Southern Cross tattoo) is also in charge of the pub menu. And what a menu it is. Obviously an Italian flavour throughout with a few pub staples.
Naturally we go the Crispy suckling pig croquettes with Dijon mustard and braised lentils. And what a morsel they were. 4 pieces, bit bigger than a 50c piece. Rich and creamy. The base of mustard and lentils the perfect sidekick. I could watch Matt Preston eat these for an hour straight and still want them.
Next up, Quinlan got the Parma. Look at the picture. It’s perfect. Best example we’ve had yet too. Real sugo and plenty of runny cheese.
Sidebottom goes the Salsiccia Pizza. When in Rome… It comes out proper wog. Provincial looking like nonna crafted it herself. God it was good too.
Only query was the base was a little doughy. Bases vary from pizza to pizza so whom gives a shit.
10 POTS
THE DRINKS
Generous selection of stubbies, motley collection of beer on tap. Brunswick, Goat Steam, Stone and Wood, Konig. Naturally Sidebottom chooses the weird one – the Mack Daddy Dark Ale. Bloody beautiful. Smooth as a dark baby’s bottom.
Wine List looks great. Not huge although the bar has access to the full dining room list if they want. Probably one of those Funk and Wagnalls. But this list is concise and mainly local. Quinlan goes familiar and gets the Mountadam Riesling. Nice. In usual form he drank it in about 12 seconds. In looking for another white to drink one of those delightful staff members recommends the ‘Monte Tondo Soave’ from Venice. We’ve never heard of a Soave (pronounced Suave-eh) before so gave it a go. It’s now our new favourite grape. So smooth and delicate. Real fucken suave-eh?
Quick shout out to the cocktail list too. Most inventive we’ve seen for a pub so far.
10 POTS
WANKFACTOR
None. Nope. The ambience perfect. The décor spot on. Staff pitch perfect. I would have said the Soave was wanky until I drank it. But alas no.
10 POTS
OUTDOORS
It’s smallish. An L-shape with one side being very narrow with an awning. Perfect for a long table. On the day we were there was a function of about 20 men in their 70s having a loooong wife-free lunch. Probably explains the convivial atmosphere. Overall fairly basic stuff. Seen better. Seen way worse.
7 POTS
COMFORT STATIONS
A picture of Silvio Berlusconi beckons the men to enter the small room of disrepute. Sleazy little cunt would probably prefer to be on the door to the ladies but hey…
Inside it’s clean and simple. A whiff of cleaning products and an old Hendricks gin bottle soap dispenser is a nice touch.
The oldest thing in there was a 90s JD Macdonald hand dryer. That things seen some stuff man. But it’s still standing proud. No wet shitty hands can defeat it. If the pub burned down tomorrow the only thing standing would be that JD Macdonald. God bless Aussie ingenuity. If you’d like to call JD Macdonald and thank them for single handedly carrying the Australian manufacturing industry dial freecall 1800 023 441
8 POTS
CONCLUSION
If you’re having a big lunch or dinner, hit the Grand Dining Room for sure. If you’re just after a tip top fucken ripper feed, a nice chat with some quality people, a glass of Suave or are over 70 and just want to escape the missus (or that stick in the mud husband) for a few hours this here is the pub for you. Love it.
9 POTS OUT OF 10
grandrichmond.com.au
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